hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize