just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
