i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
