There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
