Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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