So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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