Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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