can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
