I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
