What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You can't motorboat a personality
she looked like the before picture.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize