I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
