i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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