Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
