hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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