Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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