i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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