I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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