Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
