i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
