Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
