i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
