question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
