Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
