i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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