I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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