You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
