Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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