dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize