oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
