Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
