all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
