we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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