I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Do you remember whose house we're in?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize