I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
