Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize