You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
