Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
