i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She needs sedatives and a leash
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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