Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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