It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
