Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize