i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
