I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
