What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
