So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
