Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
