bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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