Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
