Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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