batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
