The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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