You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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