If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
