Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
