You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
