I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
