69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
