she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
