My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
