Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
