During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
