I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
