I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
