Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
