I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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